From you to my dreams to Reality

I was all yours. I wanted nothing but you and I gave myself totally to you. I was this useless bundle of love that was just hanging on to you. So strong, pushed here and there, but I kept holding on because you were all that mattered. All that I wanted was you and more of you. All I wanted was to be with you. Wasn’t very satisfactory. It was very temporary though, always had to hold on more tightly because it would go anytime, or change. And it did change. And it was horrible. The more strongly I held, the further away from me, it went. Overall was more tears than laughter, more hate than love; more ugliness than beauty; more illusions than reality. Wasn’t very satisfactory. So the time when all I wanted was you is over. Although it wasn’t and isn’t in my hands to decide this.

Now all I want is to be with myself. With my dreams, with truth and reality. My dreams and reality aren’t contradictory although these two words usually are. Because I dream of reality. I dream of truth and reality. Not the reality around me, faked by everyone and every system, imposed and constructed by ideas and culture, by greed and contempt, by fear and injustice, by desire and man’s ego. Not the reality of money, status, social rules and politics. Not the reality of organized religions, not even the reality of a flawed science manipulated by power. Not the reality of time and space as clocks and measurements describe.

The reality I dream to be living is the reality, not found by Buddha or Christ, but felt in the core. It’s the indescribable that manifests all around and pervades every atom. It’s the reality of our DNA and of the construction of time and space. It’s how atoms assemble and disassemble. It’s how my emotions arise and pass. It’s how the world revolves, if it is revolving. It’s the reality of motion, movement, sound and frequency. The reality of death and life and sickness and health and beauty and the body and the mind, and what more is there inside of us, if there is more. And outside of us? Or is the delineating mark between inside and outside the one that will dissolve at the touch of Reality?

Maybe, or maybe not. You see, I have this strong feeling that this is it. That the separation between the I and the rest, inside and outside, me and others; is the illusion. That’s the reality that solves every other problem that exists in the whole world and inside of ‘me’ instantaneously. Once this reality is understood and faced with bare eyes, the rest crumbles like a mirage. I am almost sure this is the truth, but I need to convince myself this is  it.

And for this, I’m going to use the reality of this world-mirage imposed on me. I will use the education system and money and status and recognition to reach the proofs to consolidate my theory, or to prove it wrong. I’m going to America for my studies and Anthropology is taking me there. Anthropology among us, ‘civilised people’, anthropology in the depths of the Amazonian shamanic science, anthropology sitting next to Tibetan yogis and questioning them, every rich civilisation and poor. What do they know about time and space, life and death, body and mind, that we do not know? How to they bend ‘laws’ of nature and science? And according to which laws do they operate?
Our reality negates theirs. Our reality negates bending time and space and our body functions. But they have done it several times under scientific observation. Still we negate the possibility of such a reality. I want to deconstruct all this capitalist, industrialist, unsustainable, artificial reality we have consolidated over the years. At least help in deconstructing this. While I wish for truth and harmony to shine through, I appreciate the balance between positive and negative. However, the balance is bending way too much on the negative side.

Maybe it’s just how I’m seeing it. Maybe I’m ignoring all the beauty and awesome that we developed as the human culture and I’m focusing on the bad, that’s why I see an imbalance, heavier on the negative side. Even then, truth and reality if I find them, will get rid of this seeming imbalance created by my eyes and my mind.

No matter what, truth and reality is where I’m heading to. After drugs and religion, now let’s try anthropology. From my tiny island in the Indian Ocean, off the East coast of Africa, I’m making my way to America after years of dreaming. I can’t remember when I started to dream of going to America, it’s been so long. Now my dreams, truth and reality are all I want to be with.

Egoistical? In my dreams, this has got nothing to do with ego, just going with the flow and making the most of the life and dreams I’ve been given. 

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Vihangam Yoga

Vihangam” literally means “bird”. Just as a bird leaves its base on the earth to fly high in the sky, so does Vihangam Yoga enable the human Soul (Atma) to cut off its moorings in the Prakriti(phenomenal world) and realize its true and free nature.”

“In Vihangam Yoga the mind is lifted to its source, the Akshara Brahma where it is permanently quietened, just like a river losing its identity in the ocean. Once the soul is freed from bondage of the mind, it realises its true nature and stops identifying itself with the human body. In fact, the soul then acts as the master and guides the mind and the body in the way it likes. Having realised the futility of worldly pleasures, derived through the sense organs and their objects, it soars higher in search of the Absolute Bliss (Paramananda). It is then only that the real meditation of Vihangam Yoga starts, terminating in Samādhi, the ultimate aim of Yoga of meeting with the Supreme Soul. In this state the soul has attained liberation while residing in the body itself (Jivanmukti).”
from Wikipedia on Vihangam Yoga

Beauty emanates from Confidence

“There is nothing more attractive than confidence, once she sees her own beauty, everyone else will.”
Habeeb Akande

No, beauty does not emanate from confidence. Beauty emanates from nothingness, from the Origin. It was there since the beginning. It emanates from yourself at birth. It emanates from the original, genuine you. Ever noticed how beautiful children are, in their own right? Such individuality, such uniqueness, no trying to be like others, and yet each so differently beautiful.  Where does beauty go then? We lose confidence. We think theirs is the good way to look and be. So we think ours is wrong. Deep inside we know we are truly beautiful.* But we become shrouded by doubt and we start seeking validation from others to say we are beautiful. And others? They will jump on the first occasion to find your weakness spots and tell you you’re not, because they themselves are not confident enough and need to bring you to the same level or lower, so that their ego doesn’t feel threatened, so that it feels good. You don’t need anyone to confirm that you are beautiful. Be confident, know it, own this truth like you did as a child, and so your beauty shall shine again.

* How I can confidently say that everyone knows they are truly beautiful, that they just have doubts is..by looking at very unconfident people asking people on the internet to look at their pictures and to tell them whether they are truly ugly or not. I’ve seen this a lot. And it shows that they don’t really believe they are ugly. But they have accumulated these doubts and other people’s opinions, so in the end they begin wondering: “Is that true? Could that be true? I need to get settled on that.” But if they were just by themselves, if there were no validation needed from others, they’d have no problem, because they don’t feel ugly. Because they are not ugly.

The difference between a believer and an atheist

The believer does not believe in God more than does the atheist.

And the atheist does not believe in God less than does the believer.

Because you cannot choose to believe.

Now, first let’s define the word to believe. The dictionary says it is ‘to accept that something is true’, ‘to feel sure of the truth of’.

Whether or not you believe something depends on the information you possess about the matter, and then if it is convincing enough, you will be convinced and will accept as truth what is put forward. If not, despite your willingness to adhere to the matter, and accept it, you cannot do with your doubts or with the conviction of the opposite. So ultimately, you cannot choose to believe. What you can choose however, is to tell yourself and others that this (how you want it to be despite the truth) is the way, is the truth. And you can fool yourself and others for a long time with that, going again and again on a merry-go-round.

The thing remains that neither the atheist nor the believer knows more about God than any other person, than the Pope, or than the most pious of Brahmins or the Buddhist monk, than your parents, than yourself. They/we all have a collection of data concerning God; all religions, and sects, and science, and philosophy, and mythology; but none can prove to you the existence of God; show you God and make it undeniable. You can associate unexplained happenings to the existence of God, and stuff like the beginning of the universe, miracles, our helplessness in the face of birth and death, which are under the control of something other than us, as the proof of God’s existence ; but that is only your association; it does not confirm any more or less the validity of it.

So ultimately, both the atheist and the believer are at the same standpoint; if you look at it strictly from point of their actual belief; their conviction, upon which they cannot exercise any control; both are at the same position.

Both have the same information about God; but none has really seen him.

What differentiates them is only that one chooses to say to himself and to others that God exists, without being in possession of any fool-proof proof; while the other says no God does not exist; without being more sure of the existence or non-existence of God.