Souls and love and timelessness and just Knowing.

Because my nou is the sweetest, most innocent, naughtiest and most mischievous and adorable. And he is all the world needs to function. And to stop sometimes. My world, at least. And without him, is a concept not known to my soul yet. And since my soul is not bound by limitations of time, it has experienced all the times ever possible in the multiverse, and it knows, this concept does not exist, anywhere, at any time. There was never without you, nor will there ever be. You are here with me, you are me. I am myself only to be able to sit back and look at you separate from me, but you’re not. I am you.

 

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Waking souls crossing paths

And their eyes met and he smiled. They both knew. And there was nothing to say about it. The physical acknowledgement of a smile was not even necessary. But it made it go through more smoothly than anything else. They could have gone their ways without smiling while still knowing, or they could have stopped to talk at length and in details about it all, but a smile was the simplest and most effortless way to share that moment.

Now that they knew it, there was nothing to do about it. Nothing to get excited about, nothing to exploit, nothing to make money from, nothing to show to impress others, nothing to indulge in, nothing to share. All these years she had been struggling with her thoughts, with her emotions, her motivations in life, her mission, her responsibilities, right and wrong, people, family and lovers, government, authority and rebellion, the planet, religion, God, what to eat, what not to, whom to listen to and where to go, what to do. She had been struggling with all these and with the attempt to put an end to it all. She had desired freedom, enlightenment, release from the world of illusions; and now, all of these looked like one thing. The struggle and the quest were not different from the destination she had reached. It all formed part of the same thing. She had been enjoying and suffering but the drama was worth it, like any good movie with the right doses of tragedy, comedy and drama. The more intense it was, the more she had got a kick out of it, while searching for the end of it all at the same time. Like playing blindfold. Why would you intentionally put a blindfold on your eyes and play around when you could see clearly without? It makes it more fun. That’s what she had been doing, intentionally wearing the blindfold to make it more fun, while wishing to see more clearly.

She had struggled a long time to get rid of the blindfold. But now she had taken it off. Nothing much had changed. The sky was still blue…and purple and orange and grey at times. It still got cold in winter and at night. She still got hungry and she still went to the toilet. The body was just the body. Was she anymore than the body? Was she anymore than the individual soul? Was she just part of the universal soul? Or was she the totally of it ? Or was ‘she’ just an illusion? And all there was was ‘it’?

The separation between she and it had become more and more ambiguous and she had begun to wonder if that was not the only illusion that had to be dispelled for everything else to fall into place.

Grasping reality, unlearning stuff

– I feel horrible. I feel like I’m losing you. I’m scared.

– What? You know I’m here and I love you. It’s all in your head, don’t you worry about that.

– It’s in my head. Exactly. If losing you is in my head, then having you too could be in my head. And the more I think of it, the more it seems that that is how it is actually. It’s all in my head, and whatever I conceive of existing outside of it, well it isn’t there. There is nothing else outside my head. And I don’t know if it’s a good or a bad thing. You know it’s like how I always take this example where I’m looking at this chocolate cake and you’re looking at it too. But you’re seeing a cheesecake. And I think you’re seeing a chocolate cake too. And you think I’m seeing a cheesecake too. But there is no way of seeing it from the same perspective. And we keep on talking about the same object thinking we are talking about the same thing we are seeing, but we are not. And that is kind of alienating. You think you share something. But for that person, that thing is a something else totally. So you’re not sharing anything in the end. It’s like that popular question, “How do you know that your red looks like my red?”

And that brings me to think we are all very alone in our mind-created worlds, full of subjectivity and influences we’ve been exposed to since childhood, that have shaped our conception of the world, our view of the world. Taking an almost impossible hypothetical situation where all influences and subjectivity have been kept to a null value, then the resulting or non-resulting image of the world is going to be as close to the actual object, taking the world to be the object, and our image of it as a mathematical transformation.

The next important question is: can we undo the influences that came to be stuck onto us? If yes, is it through a conscious or unconscious effort? What would support the ‘yes’ answer to the question are the latest scientific findings about how our genes are able to rewrite themselves, and how our neural networks are constantly rewiring connections, ceasing old ones, making new ones, etc.