At the Door.

Knock! Knock!

– Go.Away.

– Don’t you want to see who it is?

– I know it’s just another Illusion.

– So you think that, if you keep on refusing to open, the Illusions will stop coming at your door at some point?

– I don’t know. I don’t care. I ain’t opening that fucking door to anything again.

– What if..it were not an Illusion, what if this time, it were Reality, or Truth, or something awesome like True Love, or the Mission of your life, or Enlightenment?

– Don’t care. I’d tell it to get lost just the same. Because whatever it can be, will always be accompanied by Pain. I don’t want the awesome, it’s bound to come with its partner: its opposite. Reality is right here, right now.

– Why don’t you just open the door and look at the Illusion as it is: as an illusion? Let it come and entertain it like one? It can’t hurt you if you remember it is an Illusion.

– Everytime I let one in, it becomes really hard to make it go afterwards. It’s like this intrusive guest that makes himself at home in your home and doesn’t want to go. And the more time I spend with it, the more I start to believe in him, and forget it’s an Illusion. I get into its game. And when he goes away (he’s bound to go at some point, because he ain’t real, or die right here and leave his rotten envelope behind for me to clean up,) it breaks my heart. I’m not entertaining Illusions in my house anymore.

– But you do know, that.. you’re one of them too, right?

– …

– Well, you are. Maybe you should get out of the house too and go away. Or shoot a bullet into your fucking illusional head.

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Waking souls crossing paths

And their eyes met and he smiled. They both knew. And there was nothing to say about it. The physical acknowledgement of a smile was not even necessary. But it made it go through more smoothly than anything else. They could have gone their ways without smiling while still knowing, or they could have stopped to talk at length and in details about it all, but a smile was the simplest and most effortless way to share that moment.

Now that they knew it, there was nothing to do about it. Nothing to get excited about, nothing to exploit, nothing to make money from, nothing to show to impress others, nothing to indulge in, nothing to share. All these years she had been struggling with her thoughts, with her emotions, her motivations in life, her mission, her responsibilities, right and wrong, people, family and lovers, government, authority and rebellion, the planet, religion, God, what to eat, what not to, whom to listen to and where to go, what to do. She had been struggling with all these and with the attempt to put an end to it all. She had desired freedom, enlightenment, release from the world of illusions; and now, all of these looked like one thing. The struggle and the quest were not different from the destination she had reached. It all formed part of the same thing. She had been enjoying and suffering but the drama was worth it, like any good movie with the right doses of tragedy, comedy and drama. The more intense it was, the more she had got a kick out of it, while searching for the end of it all at the same time. Like playing blindfold. Why would you intentionally put a blindfold on your eyes and play around when you could see clearly without? It makes it more fun. That’s what she had been doing, intentionally wearing the blindfold to make it more fun, while wishing to see more clearly.

She had struggled a long time to get rid of the blindfold. But now she had taken it off. Nothing much had changed. The sky was still blue…and purple and orange and grey at times. It still got cold in winter and at night. She still got hungry and she still went to the toilet. The body was just the body. Was she anymore than the body? Was she anymore than the individual soul? Was she just part of the universal soul? Or was she the totally of it ? Or was ‘she’ just an illusion? And all there was was ‘it’?

The separation between she and it had become more and more ambiguous and she had begun to wonder if that was not the only illusion that had to be dispelled for everything else to fall into place.