Kali, Gil Bab

Kali was here.

Not mounted on my crown like an Orisha but permeating through all the physical and energy channels on my limbs, body, spine and head, exploding from within my cells, her spirit overtaking mine, so much creative energy, power, chaos, it’s self consuming but so cathartic, allowing this Kali divine energy to be expressed. Then, the music hit. Soothing the Goddess’s turbulent tornado of power, calming and guiding, Shiva lay on her path at her feet. Gil baba’s music, like shamanic guidance, became Shiva energy, attending to this wild burst of Kali, who was herself manifested through me with Gil’s music, my dance, trance. That’s one thing that stayed on my mind for a bit of the day: it’s not him creating a magnificent spectacle. It’s each of us here being ourselves the best we can to make this show together by bending, twisting the structures of our realities to shape the common, shared one. It’s each of us; it’s my shot at playing with this creative dough, pull it as far as I want, do anything I want with it, twist time and space with it, navigate beautiful lands, pull strings of love from everyone’s hearts around and bring, bind them together; and the dough has magical powers, it turns into reality. It’s the reality dough. And both Gil and I and everyone had their share of the dough with which we were playing and which was creating the show of what we were all experiencing then and there.


Death, Separation Anticipations

I saw this video of a dog which had recently died, and its dog friend was trying to wake it up again, very vigorously.

I could not but feel sad about this event that is death. This is not normal to me. I generally take death to be just part of life and I always say that I look forward to mine because I know it is merely a reshuffling of elements, because ‘I’ my true self can never cease to exist, no matter whether I have a bodily envelope, human envelope, mental, or spiritual envelope.

But it also made me feel so far away from my parents. I realized that we have limited time together on this Earth; together, me as their child, them as my parents, my dad as my dad, my mom as my mom. We live away from each other, and think it’s for the good of our (my) future.

I imagine myself suddenly dying (because I cannot imagine it happening to any of them) and immediately I feel and I know it is (going to be) such a tremendously difficult goodbye to say.

Can I do anything better than what I am doing right now so that this good bye will be without too many regrets about what I should have done better when I had the time with them..

CW: sad sad death video



Destructive Love

I don’t just date people.
I crack open the layers of their life, penetrate into the core, turn everything upside down, destabilize and upset all structures, deconstruct the very building blocks and fabric of their reality, shred their life apart, set fire to it, and walk away, leaving them almost as wrecked as I am from the whole process. Can I please stop?