Not you. Not him. Not anyone. Not anything. Focus on..the only thing that will forever remain. the dark canvas behind closed eyelids. You will be gone. He will. Everyone and everything will. But darkness and emptiness will always be here, at the time of death too probably, to make me confront myself..
I know the prison door is open. And Freedom is staring at me in the face. But I’m scared to go forth, because I might not need you anymore if I’m free. And I might not feel your needs and feelings. Even if i do, they might not touch me at all. And you won’t feel like you can relate to me anymore. And i might not be there for you as much as I am right now. I know..if I love you, and if the love is real, it’s gonna be stronger than anything and persist, whatever the condition I’m in, wherever I am, however high up in the sky i’m soaring. But this is like staking the love for freedom, it’s like taking the risk of losing the love for something which I want for myself which is freedom. It’s like putting freedom first, and love second. It’s like if I can do that, I don’t think I’m even worthy of the love. It’s like I’m losing a kind of true love test or something. But freedom and love shouldn’t be mutually exclusive. It shouldn’t be EITHER freedom OR love; it should be freedom WITH love or love with freedom. Because freedom is usually conducive to a proper, healthy, sane relationship.
And you always tell me I have to be free, you want me to be free. But you know I see everything in absolutes, and absolute freedom is..something big..and awesome.. and scary too. It’s like Lucy. And while I’m scared to run the risk of losing this love (knowing though that the risk is there all the fucking time, with girls and boys around, with boredom and death looming around), in the end, I’m not even sure if love exists at all. And I don’t want to restrict my freedom for something which might just have been an illusion all along. And…and…now that i come to think of it..Freedom too.. like love. like perfection. It’s the kind of thing that we constantly seek, but never seem to find. Or if we’re lucky enough to find it, by the moment we’ve found it, we are already seeking something else. It’s never gonna stop, like the earth rotating, the sun and tides rising n falling, atoms in motion.
In 2027, there was the dissolution of all country frontiers on Earth, and out of this, came the establishment of the United States of the Earth.
People were a little apprehensive in the beginning. After all, the British people were to renounce their British citizenship, Americans were no longer going to be the first power on the planet, the Chinese would be put in the same boat as the Japanese, Taiwanese, Tibetan and all the people they had been persecuting and fighting all this time. North Koreans were to be no longer distinguished from South Koreans, and even worse, from the whole world. The Russians would have to belong to the entire world, no more little secrets, and the vodka had to be shared with the world. South Americans, the black, the brown and the white could all go up through the Midwest, the northeastern coast, anywhere they’d like to, with or without papers. Israel and Palestine were to give up all the years of struggle; they had to give up what they had been fervently fighting for and against. The very grounds of their fight, (the ownership of a piece of land) had been pulled right under their feet: there was no country anymore to claim to possess whatever piece of land anywhere on the planet.
Despite people’s initial apprehension, very quickly, to be British or French or Iranian or Israeli or Australian or Indian had become obsolete. The distinctions between different people coming from different parts of the world had become the equivalent to the distinctions between people coming from different states in what was the US for example: the difference between an ex-German and an ex-South African felt like nothing more than the difference between a US citizen from the state of Virginia and another one from Florida. Or more simply it was just like differences between northerners and southerners of a country. Except it was a huge country. And it was the size of the planet.
The idea of the world as one huge country, which had to have a name and other things that go with ‘nationality’ like a national anthem or other symbolic emblems, also slowly and smoothly glided into non-existence. The reason was that the symbolic things as such had an existential value only as long as there was a sense of nationality to uphold against other nationalities; a distinguishing agent to draw the line between one and others. But now, with only one country, the others, if there had to be any, were automatically outside of the planet. And that was out of the sphere of immediate concern. Continue reading