April 10, 2014
There’s someone who lives inside my head. Most of the time he’s hidden. He just comes at random times to whisper things like “he doesn’t love you”, “it’s over”, “you failed, you’re gonna fail, and there’s no way out”, and “see what he did/ did not do, isn’t it clear he doesn’t give a shit about you?”, “i told you to stay on your guard, you didn’t now it’s too late”, “whatever you thought existed between you two is not and was never real”, “welcome to reality babe”. Thing is, I don’t usually realize it’s that little someone saying those things, I just automatically listen and believe. No matter how absurd the things he whispers are, he
manages to make them seem extremely credible. And as I listen, the swirl of bad thoughts gains momentum and only becomes more engulfing, until I want to die. But that little someone, I want him to shut up. I simply have to not listen to him. But he’s so stealthy, I don’t notice his presence I just take what he says as my own thoughts and as reality. I don’t notice him until it’s too late. And then he’s already done his job and gone back into hiding.