Throughout the morning (and afternoon) -after, little realizations bubbled up to the surface, sending ripples through the fabric of my reality.
These little realizations offered to me the possibility of reconfiguring, reorganizing the structures of my reality: of what is true, how to be, what are limits to the possibilities of who I can be, and the possibility of reconnecting, through a new perspective, with the fundamental unmoving truth of my consciousness, the deep core being that I eternally was and am.
You made me think of approaching a romantic and sexual relationship outside of the boundaries of what we assume relationships should be.
You led me to overcome the boundaries of social norms with regards to relationships and sexuality in a different way from the way I was doing it.
You reframed the concept of living one’s life with the only commandment of to have a good time, and reframed what having a good time is about.
Made me rethink how it fits into the philosophy of non-duality – Advaita Vedanta – where a good time isn’t to be sought, because it is not any better fundamentally, it is merely more pleasurable. And pleasure always exists with its counterpart, pain, which will catch up with you. Pain is not bad, it is just real. It exists, is valid and has as much claim and right to exist as pleasure. To seek one over the other is to reject this truth.
But having a good time is not to be met with its opposite: This is equally buying into the dualistic notion of cause-effect. If I do not accept a reality of cause-effect, where indulging in having a good time is necessarily to be met with a reestablishment of balance, through pain, on that dimension of my experience; if I do not project anything on what having a good time will lead to in the future, and merely take in what the present of having a good time entails; does the reality of having a good time change accordingly? Well, I wouldn’t, couldn’t care, because what would happen if I have a good time, wouldn’t matter anymore, wouldn’t exist, because..no law of cause-effect. Even this argument is using cause-effect. So you stop thinking about what would happen, and you just have a good time.
You also reorganized my ideas about relationships with people and what we expect from them, why we expect from them. Love without being selfish, love with an open heart that can appreciate the beauty, the awesomeness of the other person, along with their choices, their ideas, their realities, their desires – and recognize that trying to have them mirror your feelings, ideas, reality and choices, stems from an egoistic, selfish disposition and should be dropped as soon as one is conscious of this.
Having sex with you and wanting more from you made me realize all these things and it made me realize to take it easy: it’s all good, and the ball of awesomeness that you are is also just fine, to be appreciated without restrictions or attachment. It made me realize that such a connection (on such a subtle dimension, materialized through our sharing common meta-metaphysical interests and musical attunement), as the one I feel with you is even possible. If this unexpected, previously unconceivable form of one-to-one connection is possible, what else could be? The set of possibilities is exponentially expanded.
You and sex with you lifted up a veil to reveal a new plane, new perspective on myself, as well as a new plane of this world, which is not really separate from me after all.